i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
