dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
