we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
