some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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