I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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