so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
