I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
