Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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