i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
