Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
