I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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