I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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