That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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