he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
