remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
