he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
