for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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