where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
