hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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