I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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