Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
