wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
