Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
