I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
