It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
