Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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