She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
