Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
