What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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