I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
