i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
