I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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