you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it because I queefed?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
