You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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