Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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