I am in a vortex of obligation.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
