We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
