You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
