you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
