You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
