No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
