So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
