I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I did not marry a roomba.
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