At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
