Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
