they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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