just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
