do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
