im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
