did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
3pm strippers are depressing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You pole danced in your parka.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
