I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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